Oopsies! I forgot to document my life!

I recently finished another quarter at Depaul, my first quarter back in a long time. Admittedly, it was overwhelming. There's something about my neverending attempt to get my undergraduate degree that is starting to lose its charm. I'm happy to be back and happy to see people and all that but something is not right. Anyway, I'm going to take December to be introspective and really think about what I'm doing. To put it mildly, I intend to be totally introverted for most of it. Nothing against anyone or anything...but you can't be happy with the world until you're happy with yourself, yes?




news flashes: went to miami to visit my best friend. I miss her, it's nice to have the friend you don't need words with.

The Rut

I got sick. No excuses, I probably wsn't taking care of myself. I just got nasty sick. It lasted for weeks but I can now say it's over. I'm back.

I feel into this sick-lady rut. I have been frighteningly lethargic the past few weeks, it's gross and unlike me. I'm holed up in Crystal Lake, my friends are far away and I am ready to get back to school. Actually, I am beyond ready. I've now read books on the history of pirates, female body image, new trends within urban society, globalization, travel narratives, mountain climbing, surfing, sex workers in Lahore and the unique situation of the american nun. Yes. I need knowledge to survive.

I have also decided that I need the man from cold case files to narrate my wedding.

Oh, and that commodore dingo is indeed a wonderful dog.

And then some

The last family member to visit this summer has gone home. I will be coming out of seclusion. Sorry I've been so away. Busy and stressful times which, admittedly, normally doesn't stop me from writing...but I've got a new project and it needs focus and time. It's going well.

When Mexicans Attack

My family has slowy been invading my house. I am doing my stint in parent land, so along with the invasion of Commodore Dingo and me (is it and I if it's a reference to more than one person and I or what? Recent speculations...), Einstein the family dog, mom, dad and my brother, julian. Last week we had my 13 year old cousin and an aunt visiting and this week another cousin and my younger brother's best friend are staying with us. I have absolutely no problem with any of this. It's nice to see the outer-family. I rarely get back to California anymore and it's tough to be the only ones not living there.

but I lived semi-alone in Madrid and the noise of my family home isn't so much annoying as surprising. I am a pretty loud person but...wow.

on that note,

I'm going back to my dream of one day being a shy person. If I work hard at it, someday I wil be shy!

Oh, and I know that this little post has no flow and makes very little sense but I'm exhausted and hey, gimme a break, I write these things for my own entertainment.

A Healthy Sort of Vengeance

Oh? You've heard? Yes. It's true.

I am the shape of a Butternut Squash.

I saw it coming and I should have stopped it. I'm not saying that all you other squash like ladies aren't beautiful, the squash is a perfectly sexy vegetable, go out and work that squash-ass. The shape just isn't for me though. It must be destroyed.

My mother convinced me to join weight watchers. I agreed, I'm not really doing anything this summer so I figured it might keep me busy, though I was unsure how much time watching my weight would actually take. I was under the assumption that I was really just pure muscle that had taken on a fat-like look so that my enemies would never see me coming. After the first weigh-in, I suspected I was wrong. Very, very, very wrong.

Weight Watchers is not a place where I go to socialize. I appear to be taking this American Gladiator approach to the whole situation, developing my own method of competitive weight watching. This method is known as Project Beat Tams.

There is a woman in my group I call Tams, she is about 4 years older than me and initially I thought it might be nice to have someone around my age to talk to. I was wrong. Very, very, very wrong.

Tams approached me and started chatting, exprssing a really strange interest in my romantic life, asking me if I had a boyfriend. I said no and wondered why on earth she was trying to pick me up at a weight watchers meeting. I may be tubby, but I prefer men. I was thinking about how to let her down gently when she then told me that she was married to her high school sweetheart and had 3 kids. I said "oh, how lovely to have children" or something along those lines. She said "yes, it is. Anywho, that's me. At your age I was perfect. Tiny. What's your excuse?"

Excuse me?

Perfect?

I need an excuse?

ANYWHO?

And so Project Beat Tams was born. The conversation continued, it got more offensive and there was a point where I thought she might be a good candidate for an excorcism. So now...I have to win and be reaching maximum hotness before she does. I feel this is a healthy sort of vengeance.

To clarify, I'm not a mean person. I am sarcastic, dry, random, kinda goofy and currently obsessed with Dubai. All this and more, totally true. But how do you get your jollies looking down your nose at other people at a weight watchers meeting? Those are people who are trying to better themselves for their health or for their self-esteem, and some of them have been dealing with it their whole lives. Some of these people grew up ridiculed and teased and to try and put them back in that place so you can feel better about yourself is obscene. I hope that for her own sake, Tams has a good cup of tea or buys a scented candle or spoons with her high school sweetheart. Whatever she needs to do because the whole situation and the fact that I've seen her corner other people...man, she needs to go to a good dance party.

But, hey, the project keeps me motivated. I'm doing what I need to do to avoid eternal Squashdom and getting healthier. It's been a good few weeks and I intend to keep it up. I might even give myself a good American Gladiator name. Any ideas?

And if you say "squasher", I'll sick Tams on you.

The Infamous Stories of Dogs 1 and 2

Dog 1: A Tale of Betrayal

Meet my first Dog of the Summer. In order to get over his loss, I have convinced myself that he was satanic. This is obvious if you only look into his demon eyes, glowing with the light of the million souls he has eaten...




In a previous post, I mentioned negotations for this dog. How I had been shown this dog by Family Member M (people I love to hate protection program) and then told he wasn't available. One day, I decided to take a different dog from the family where I got him, as they have many, many dogs.

When I got to the house with my father, a family member told me that I could take the dog I wanted, (pictures above) he was indeed available. I questioned several times, I asked and asked, I made very certain. Family member (we shall call him D, for protection) D said to go ahead and take the dog, as he obviously loved me. and oh, he did.

That night phone calls from M and her children started. The next day, a gigantic email war was waged, filled with negotiations. I had been given a dog, I intended to keep it. You can't just change your mind. You cannot be an AmerIndian (native american, if you prefer) giver!

The last email however, which was sent to my father, was from M stating that the dog was needed back because M did not feel any love was coming M's way from anyone, especially D, so Dog 1 was needed for love. D apparently was drunk when he awarded me with the dog and M wants to leave D but does not have the money. Yes. This shit happens.

My parents have a heart of gold, they agreed to this. I agreed too...but I had to give back my dog because someone was without love, and they only had enough dogs to form a pack in their yard...but really, who wants to be the bitch who refuses others love? Not I, said the brown girl...Not I.

Dog 2 on the Rise

This is my dog, Rusty. I found him online. He was going to be euthenised at a shelter in Indiana because he had been there for a few weeks. He is a golden retriever mix, trained, housebroken, up to date on shots, does not bark. Playa, even like cats.

I'll admit, I wasn't as excited about adopting a shelter dog. I sort of applied like "meh, poor thing is going to die, I might as well, probably won't even get accepted". Well, I got accepted and next thing you know I was driving 3 hours to Indiana for a dog I had only seen online and was told "don't worry, he's been aggression tested, they have to be after their abused". Turns out he's cool and I take him everywhere now. They named him Rusty at the shelter, but I try not to call him by that slave name. He goes by Commodore Dingo.

So, yes, I finally have a dog. Yes, he is strange. Yes, you may play with him.

info for the friendly reader: I realize this story was filled with potential for punning. Honestly, though. Honestly.

The official Interlochen Story

July 16th. A day that will live in infamy. Erin Walker, Hannah Henry and I travelled to....

INTERLOCHEN!!!!

home to the Interlochen School for the arts. Home to children being tortured. Home to a school with a theme song and a marching theme song. Yes, they call them themes.

Home to their own Dairy stand filled with dairy treats. Home to a gift shop with countless boxes of cookies mass-produced in 1974. An arts school with a personal Motel.

Why would I leave a friend's younger brother there?

Interlochen is known for things other than music. Yes. They do theater.

Team Save Luke Henry left early that morning, starting a 5 hour trek towards the upper peninsula. After fueling up with hash browns from McDonald's and coffee, after navigating through the treacherous waters of the gay games, we were on the road. Born free. We were like cougars released into the wild, with only one thing on our minds...saving Luke Henry.

Once we reached the camp, we were forced to mingle with uniformed band leaders. All of them in uniform, all in shorts, all with white knee-socks. We were sent to the encampment for teen-boys where we were allowed to check Luke Henry out for the day, promising to return him at 9 and being given copies of the Interlochen Constitution. We promised, no drugs and no alcohol. Once these promises were made, we hopped back into the car, when we spotted this:

truly a sad day.

There is apparently nothing to do in some parts of Michigan. Being resourceful, we went to Olive Garden. After Erin directly mocked a hostess, winning the rest of the team over even more, Olive Garden was uneventful.

So what else is there to do in this situation? We went to the mall!!! We went directly to the Alpaca outlet where all things can be made covered in Alpaca. Breath taking. All this could only be matched by heading to dairy mart...we ate dairy and mocked locals.

We returned Luke and played Journey as he walked back to Camp. He will never stop believin'

Editor's notes:

Olive Garden and after happened in Cadillac, not Interlochen.

Also, one interesting thing did happen at Olive Garden. I learned that when being mocked, hissing is an acceptable response.

Ah yes, siblings reunited...

Yes, Ma! Erin will have some Blueberry Pie!

Freeing the Captive.

My team and I (this means Hannah, Erin and myself) will be taking to the road this weekend. Yes, for one glorious day we will be going to Interlochen, Michigan to bust Hannah's younger brother out of band camp. Music Nazis have taken over his life and it's up to us to keep him strange

So, in one day we will drive there and drive home, 5 hours each way. This is the way it must be with our schedules...

but when was the last time you saved anyone from the clutches of band camp?

At INTERLOCHEN.

none of my friend's brothers will turn out like Josh Groban, so help me god!

Thought #297

I don't believe in people being perfect for eachother anymore. I think for every person out there, there's a small group of people you can "make it work with". Of that small group, there's about 6 or so (arbitrary number, right? mmm...the arbitrariest!) who appear perfect for you. The problem with this is sometimes you meet one of these super sixers and it doesn't work out and then when you think you're over them, you're not at all.

And as much as you want to fix things, you're hoping they fall off the face of your earth so you don't have to deal with it.

And in the end, you're fairly certain that perfect doesn't exist and hey...if good relationships happen, they happen. But you don't really want to play that game anymore. But you will, I mean, you're human, so you must want to be loved.

It's just that feeling of being punched in the stomach you don't want...

I'm 21 and I'm already too tired.
bah. I give myself one night of uncontrollable sobbing, chick flick (I choose when harry met sally) and emotions. Then tomorrow, life again.
I am 21, tired but way too young to be down so long.

Incident of the dog

Okay, so I only had a dog for 24 hours.
THEY TOOK THE DOG BACK.
Reason? She has a bad husband and needs someone to love her, thus, 5 dogs are necessary and not just 4.

I'm serious.

I am tired.

I now have a dog. It follows me places and sleeps a the foot of my bed and listens to me....

today is the day they will try and take it back.

details later.

Mysteries?

Is it possible to develop an allergy overnight in your early 20's? I did a little bit of research and found out that it is, but they only talk about seasonal allergies and all that. I woke up a few days ago with a whole new allergy. Okay, so as allergies go, here are my enemies.

There are only two (other than pollen in the air and shit):

I'm actually allergic to all Crush sodas. Every single one of them. Our friend orange though, that little bugger kicks my ass. Like, throat-swells-can't-breathe-get-that-buddy-to-the-hospital.

Cheap Bubble Bath. Okay, so bargain soap in general. I think most people are allergic to this though. You shouldn't be rubbin unidentified shit in unmarked bottles (or bottles marked "soap!") on your body. But I stay away from bubble bath as much as possible.






3 days ago, I met a new enemy.

BANANAS!!!!

I like bananas. I do. Suddenly I'm allergic though so...Well, goodbye to them. They were in a lot of good banana-based breads and muffins...Okay, only banana nut, but that's a damn good bread.

Battle for the Dog

I want a dog. This is acceptable, I have lots of dog owning time and skills. The problem with dog ownage is that I have to select a dog. I thought this was taken care of when I interviewed Rusty.

So the lady who currently has Rusty (and 4 other dogs) has a son who is trying to renegotiate his deal with Rusty now that my offer is on the table. This son is in his twenties and I personally do not care whether or not he wants the dog. Being a son, he will most likely get the dog. I understand this. Where do I go from here for my house trained, fixed and generally good natured beast?

In walks Cody, the other dog this lady (nice lady, by the way) has up for grabs.
Is it sick that I don't want the number 2 dog? I want my dog to be a winner.


The picture is from nataliedee.com
go. laugh. love.

Illinois.

I've just moved back to the United States. I won't lie to you, I won't say that I'm getting down and culture shocked in suburban Illinois. The reality of it all is that I spent one year away and before that I spent 20 years running around this place...how the hell is it going to surprise me? Globalization does a mean one-two on Western Europe and I'd be a liar if I told you I never had a whopper. Did I have some McDonald's Gazpacho? you'd best believe. Granted, some people do take the anti-globalization route...


but hey, we travel, we internet, we televise...it's bound to get around. Everything is at our fingertips so how does this not spread?
But that doesn't mean that we can't still be surprised by the familiar.
It doesn't mean that though one thing might be in every country, that each country doesn't add their own touches, make it their own. The changes are already there and I don't think they are reversible.

I'm not pro globalization or pro giant fast food machines.
I'm okay with the cultures compromising and blending a bit, it's bound to happen.
It's the cancellation of a culture that I worry about.